How to sleep in the Australian Bush

As part of the bonding process, it was decreed that we go camping together. Before I go into the details, I would like to add some extra detail to this scenario.

Contrary to the terminology used, and to paraphrase a great Billy Connolly joke, there is more than one bush outside of Australian cities. It's not like there is one shrub behind which all the Kangaroos, Wombats, Snakes, Spiders and Sharks are hiding, waiting to spring out on an unsuspecting tourist. 

"The Bush" is a reference to the collective area in Australia that is not urbanised. It is easily interchanged with the term "Outback"

Once upon a time, I used to think that a swag was something the Hamburglar carried around on his back. Turns out, in Australia, it means something completely different.

Aussies are world renowned for their love or outdoors. They are also known for their tenacity. So combining these two traits, they are not a people that would allow something as inconvenient as sleep from depriving them of their “Bush”, they have found a way to allow you to do both.

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce The Swag Bag. A canvas bag and a soft foam mattress, rolled up for easy transport. You roll it out. You sleep on it. You wake up. You roll it back. You continue enjoying the “Bush.

Basically, it’s like a sheet for the ground.

When I was growing up, if you wanted to sleep outside you needed two things. A bed and a roof. The weather was so consistent it was pretty much a certainty that if you didn’t have both of the aforementioned requirements, what you were actually doing was swimming at night.

Not so in Australia. It is possible to put your sheet, I mean Swag, outside on the ground and you can sleep there, undrowned, all night.

However, being Australia, there are all manner of nocturnal creatures that may be interested in seeing who the visitor in the swag might be. Seasoned pros take all this in their stride. Novices, such as myself, need a bit of protection. This comes in the form of a Mozzie Dome. This is simply a mosquito net with bendy struts. Easy to set-up, not so easy to pack away.

I would also like to share a lesson I learned on my first Aussie camping trip. Pack everything away as soon as you wake up. Don’t do what I did.

The dawn light woke me up. I get out of my “Tent”, well sheet and net. Stretchy, stretchy. Yawny, Yawny. Go for a stroll. Go for a shower in the "Glamping" block. Come back refreshed an hour after the sun comes up and begin packing up. I then proceeded to spend the next hour fighting with the Mozzie net. You kind of need to fold and twist the bars at the same time to get it to pack away nicely. I didn’t get to pack it away nicely. When everything was finally stowed away in the 4WD, I looked like I had been wearing my clothes in a sauna. My nice beige t-shirt had become my wet brown t-shirt. 

Nice choice of t-shirt Owen.